051 — Night of the Crabs

Wilder than Wild Animus. Weirder than Necroscope. Wronger than Scruples. Surging it comes in from the sea off the coast of Wales, so J. and Collision must wade into … Night of the Crabs! This is not a drill, people, this is a book by Guy N. Smith and it’s definitely the best bad book we’ve gotten our hands on, and there is something (giant crabs invade Wales) here (tons of sex) for everyone (plot holes you could ride a giant crab through)! (Prose you will legit not believe.) (Death scenes all over the place.)

Recommended a long time ago, this book goes sideways almost instantly, and even though your hosts claw away at it, cracking wise as best they can, the whole thing is guaranteed to steam you — or leave you shell-shocked.

Ride the crab.


  • City of Saints and Madmen, Jeff VanderMeer
  • Clothes Clothes Clothes, Music Music Music, Boys Boys Boys, Viv Albertine


  • “Godzilla” by Blue Őyster Cult
  • “Rock Lobster” by B-52s
  • “Convoy” by C.W. McCall
  • “Crab Rappers” by Nonchalant